you disappoint me.

its the weekend finally! this week passed by sooooooo slowly, though looking forward to the upcoming week's itinery. swimming and zhixian's 21st tmr, steamboat on mon, clubbing on fri.. training on wed, and sat!! mygodness what kind of itinery is that right. but nvm, i love lion dance..though it seems like the club is falling apart lol, i promise i'll spend more time doing something for you guys. haha id rather sweat and slog like a pig in the hot sun rather than move my fingers while sitting in an air-con office. 2 more weeks and i'll be a free bird.. just free, not lazy bird. or blue bird.

ran with ahweay to jurong west stadium and back. running alone is peaceful, but running in twos is blissful :) thanks for hearing me out girl. both of us so stubborn at times, but i think you're one of the few i can really relate to. yup ill do my best :)

and i realized, sometimes i wish i only knew people for a short time. few months or even weeks maybe. maybe then we can just remember each other's good points, and never need to know people's bad points. i know the definition of bad and good is so subjective, who are we to judge others right? i just wish that you'd put others before yourself, please, be considerate. i find it hard too, nobody said being considerate was easy, but at least show others that you are trying lah.

guess i may be bubbly and cheerful but i can get tired sometimes too..tired of making decisions, taking care of others, squeezing my brain juice trying to cater to the whole world's wants except mine, making sure things are in order..INITIATIVE, all of us have it so just use some of it please. yeah. are you all shocked? cos after 20 years on this earth, i realized that im a selfish human too and i want to be the one to be taken care of sometimes, just sometimes. to be worried about, to be led and follow instead of lead. im not like you, mr-king-in-your-comfort-zone. i don't go back everyday to a cosy home with my clothes washed and ironed, floor swept, dinner served, dishes washed. heck, even buying groceries has to be in my weekly life, it's not my choice.

so give me a break, that's how i've been living half my life and that will be how i'll be living for the rest of my life. so if you think i've got so much energy left to spare just to help you stay in your miserable comfort zone, think again. i get tired.

and im sad. cos this this is an ugly reflection of my darkest feelings :( i believe it's normal, but i wont comment about it in reality, so dont ask.